Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
