I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize