I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want to make out with him forever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
