Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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