Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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