he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
