Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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