I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
