smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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