A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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