who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
