And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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