Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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