If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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