You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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