I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
