If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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