no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
