i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
