Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
