Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
