I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
