She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
