I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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