so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
