i just wanna soil my oats bro
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize