dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
