for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
