ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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