you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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