Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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