I just cut my nipple shaving
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
