Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
