Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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