My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
