Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize