Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think your dad took our porno
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
