this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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