as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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