my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
