I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
