just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
