i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize