I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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