That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
