WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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