How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
