Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
