Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
