help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
