Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
