I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
