On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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