Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I deserve this hangover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
