I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so that wasnt chicken after all
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
smell my finger.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize