ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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