so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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