You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
