then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize