There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
