barbara walters just said penis...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
