Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
