wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize