Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
