I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
