Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
