marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize