Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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