Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
