her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
