Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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