WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
