So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
