OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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