you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
