cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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