11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
