There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
