We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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