Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
