I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
