end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
