Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
