and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
