The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
