So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
