This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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