dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My pussy is not your playground.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
