In the future we'll all be gay
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize