Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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