it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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