if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
