how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
