Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
