Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
no, he came in my armpit
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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