Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
