So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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