Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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