good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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