that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
