fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
