I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
worst night to have a conscience
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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