Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
