Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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