I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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