I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
