You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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